Been awhile
I am so sorry that it’s been awhile since my last post. That is for several reasons. First off, after the research is over and the contracts are signed there is only one thing to do, WAIT. Secondly, well, I guess there isn’t a secondly. Sorry guys.
Lots of other things have been going on, too. My relationship with my mother is becoming increasingly strained. I know it must be very difficult for her, but it’s making it increasingly difficult on me! I feel selfish saying this, but I can barely handle it anymore. During this time I’m struggling with letting everyone I know in on my future plans which can be incredibly difficult. Everyday I am faced with someone who tries to deter me from what I want. Most people try to talk me out of it, some just ask the inevitable question “why?”, and some people are just friggin’ idiots that be little the service, war, and government.
Why do people insist on doing this? As if my worries about being deployed, my strained relationship with my mother, and overall nervousness aren’t enough. Now I have to think about the people who are so narrow minded yet overly spoken. I have to think about how the views that are so frustrating and bring my morale down, are the same views that I’ve sworn to protect. I’m also dealing with my grandmother’s tears, my cousin’s skepticism, and my own sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. A feeling that wasn’t even there until the first time I heard “But you’re really smart, why would you join the military?”
I’ve also been thinking I made a mistake. Not in joining the military. How could choosing to serve your country, better your education, and see the world, be a mistake? I think my mistake is in the branch of the military I chose to enlist with. I chose the air force for several reasons. I thought I could get a better education, more transferable skills, and a somewhat better lifestyle than any of the other branches. As time marches on (many military puns have invaded my life) I realize that while all these things are true of the air force, they may not be the best reasons for me to have made my decision. Add to that the fact that my parents let it be known that they didn’t see any branch besides the air force as an option, and I felt very stuck. Now as I contemplate what I wished I’d have done, I realize I wish I had gone army. People will probably think I’m crazy. In researching the Army I found that many of the same jobs that I was offered in the Air Force would have been offered to me in the Army. As a matter of fact, I would have been offered even more positions. No matter what branch I would have chosen, I’d still have a vagina and therefore not be infantry. That’s all that ever mattered to me. I didn’t join the military to NOT deploy. How could I expect to reap so many benefits from the military without giving something back?
I’ve been doing my research. Since I am in the DEP and have not signed my final enlistment contract, I am still eligible to dis-enroll. I feel terrible and great about it all at once. I feel terrible about it because I signed a contract, I made a commitment. What am I worth, if my word isn’t worth anything? At the same time I feel absolutely elated. I can’t wait to join the Army. I feel like I can be of more use there. There is more of a need for me there. Plus, I have more job security there. With the Air Force cutting back on personnel, there is a chance that after my original enlistment, there is a chance I won’t be eligible for re-enlistment.
